That thud you heard was me hitting my own personal ground zero. I suppose now there is nowhere to go but up. I should perhaps just warn everyone I am frantic, I am edgy and more than anything I am sensitive and scared. I have spent the past two years trying to make a positive out of a negative in my life. Since losing my job two years ago I have added two degrees to my education. One of which I earned thanks to a scholarship. I have become an active volunteer and made so many new friends. I have networked, I have traveled and pushed and challenged myself to an extent I did not know(even for all my overachieving glory) I had. Yet now hear I stand about to finish off my WIA money with no job in sight. I have tried looking in my new field, my old field and so called "any" jobs that blowhard judgmentals think are easy to come by. But with this economy and here in bay area that just is not so. It is not cause I am lazy, inflexible or anything else. I am so ashamed nevertheless I am at mercy of my family and without them I would be in an even more desperate position. The most painful part of this is less my own bump in the road but how I am judged and deemed less worthy for fact I do not have a corporate job. I am still a daughter, a sister, a grandchild, a best friend and I do work and give more than some do at their literal jobs. So why is it I feel so ready to quit this life? That I lie awake pondering my own existence and wanting to just quit? Why? Why has humanity come to this point.
So yes I may try writing again. It is my best friend after all and my solace in the storm. And it is again one thing that may keep me fighting and alive through it.
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