And yes, I seem to have less and less time these days for the Internet. I do what I can, that is all I can say. This is a personal journal, and not a column or such and once again I find myself at one of those crossroads where I feel fragile and such and provocation just is hard. So please do not take it personally nor get snarky cause I cannot update everyday.
I shall start with the bad to get it over with, and at least the good will leave you and me on a positive note. My Grandma is not well, as many of you understand but her state is getting worse. After a recent visit to the hospital for "just not feeling well" Kaiser has sent out a hospice and social worker to check in with my Grandparents. Thing is I do not think they really understand what that all means. They think it is just a nurse helping out till she gets on her feet. It is hard and painful, and part of me hopes her ignorance at least stays. I do not know how much time she has left, but let her be happy.
In the meantime I have to worry about my mother, as she does not take the best care of herself in good times. It pains the hell out of me. I had to harp and harp on her to make sure she ate something. I took her leftovers I had cooked myself and almost had to cry on the phone just asking she take care of herself and try what I made cause it would make me happy.
Work continues to be work....sometimes bringing me to shaking fits and tears, sometimes it is status quo.
The better? I have found a new friend in Sarah, the girlfriend of my friend Jeremy who was killed last November in the motorcycle accident. She feels so lonely and lost and somehow we have found some common bond. New friends are always nice, and to feel I can offer comfort, especially when my own world is unsteady makes me feel better.
Things with Josh have been good, and he has also be my comfort in the storm. Looking forward to just the little things. Laughing over Jeopardy, cooking and water fights cleaning up, Family Guy/The Office Marathons and just being held and told I am loved makes the worry and drudgery of the day and such dissipate just like that. If it is a dream don't let me wake. i just look at that smile and those eyes and everything feels so perfect. Like my missing puzzle piece. I am so grateful for it all and honestly cannot imagine my life without him.
The best? I have a new car!!!!!
Thank you Enterprise Car sales for specials, and such. It was a long time coming, and my old car was hanging in like a trooper but would not make it much longer. After I had a recent oil change and a tire patched, the list of things I had or would need to have done would have been more than the down payment on this one. I am already all OCD about looking after it. That is just a camera phone pic. As I said haven't had time for taking photos and my camera and computer stuff. One step at a time. Baby steps. I am trying despite all the heavy things, good and bad to just be functional and normal and handle it best I can.
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